Doppelganger
by Canadihipster
Summary: Doppelganger: a ghostly double of a living person that haunts its living counterpart.  A doppelganger is someone who looks and seems exactly like you.  Only they are not.  I was Hikaru's reflection, but now I am his doppelganger. How useless I have become


_Doppelganger: __a ghostly double of a living person that haunts its living counterpart._

_A doppelganger is someone who looks and seems exactly like you._

_Only they are not._

_In fact, they truly are different in every way but looks. A doppelganger pretends to be you- taking over your life. But, sometimes, they just choose to live beside you. Sometimes they are brought into your world somehow, very unexpectedly and very amazingly. _

_This can happen through birth._

_But, Hikaru is my reflection. Well. I am his reflection. He is the older brother, he is the first born, and I am the follower. We were the same person, separated into two bodies somehow, for almost always._

_Until Tamaki Suoh came along._

_Hikaru and Kaoru. Hikaru and I. Me and Hikaru. Always us. Never me or him. But one person, one mind, one soul, one heart- but two bodies._

_But now, it is almost as if we are doppelgangers- and neither is sure of which was truly the real one. The spell will one day be broken, the carriage will turn back into a pumpkin- but what will we become then?_

_We started as reflections. Then became doppelgangers. What is the next step? Completely separate entities? How selfish will I become, where I even think about sacrificing both Hikaru and Haruhi's happiness for... for mine?_

_Am I merely haunting my twin, my brother, my world? How... how can Hikaru still be my world if he has stepped out of ours? _

_The same. Yet different. The same, yet different. The reflection's mirror has broken- and all that was left was a doppelganger. The reflection caster is the living person, since he came first._

_The spell on the carriage is fading. Midnight is approaching, and I'm going to be thrown out before the pumpkin even shows again._

_The only two that will be left once the spell is broken are Haruhi and Hikaru. They will walk away, side-by-side, from the dingy, old pumpkin. But I would have been left far, far behind. _

_The spell caster will pick up the pumpkin, take it with him. The other riders will go off with someone by their side- be it pumpkin and friend, or simply friend, closest buddy- whomever it is- but I, the doppelganger, would have been found out and tossed away. _

_All for their happiness._

_Pain is nothing. Pain is nothing compared to the love I have for you. Love is nothing compared to the pain you put me through. _

_How could a love so taboo- a mere act of a love so taboo- be true?_

_You love her._

_I love you._

_She loves you._

_No one loves me._

_...But you used to..._

_Now you can't even hate your doppelganger. You act like I'm not here, that I don't hurt, that you don't care._

_And, I suppose, no one does care now._

_That you don't care._

_And, I suppose, no one does care now._

You have a new role. Haruhi has a new role. And I have been thrown off the stage, not even given a new script.

_You can't even hate me, Hikaru. You can't see my pain, Haruhi. And I can't hurt either of you- I, Kaoru, will sacrifice my everything for you both. I will stay in silence, weep my pain in solitude, and slowly fade._

_I can only hope you will never notice._

I watched you walk past me, talking on your cell phone- no doubt to Haruhi. Hikaru, you didn't even wave, didn't say goodbye.

"Hey, Hikaru?" Hesitantly, quietly, almost... scared, I called out. You had a frown as you turned around, scowled when you saw me.

"I'm going to Haruhi's." I smiled brightly- fake- sadly. You didn't realize.

"Have fun, then! I'll see you when you come home." Hikaru, you smiled back, nodded, and went off. AS soon as your back was turned I fled to my room. No longer ours. No longer was Hikaru and Kaoru's, but mine, and it was cold, and lonely, and terrible, terrible, horrible- terrible.

I closed my door behind me- my door, not ours- and slid my back down my door- my door, not ours- sitting on my floor- My. Floor.

"I suppose... Being some sort of zombie isn't too terrible, if you're happy, Hikaru..." I smiled sadly, leaning my head back and closing my eyes.

My door hit me- hard- as it was opened.

"Hey, Kaoru- dad said to get you for dinner."

Then you were gone- not caring that you had thrown your baby brother- your twin, your doppelganger, reflection, other half- to his floor face first. His floor, my floor, not ours. I kept my eyes closed to the pain; I knew my head was bleeding. I felt the blood dripping, felt the pain, and I whimpered.

"H-Hikaru..." I sat up, unable to open my right eye because of the blood dripping into it. Sighing, I stood, walking into my bathroom. I grimaced at my reflection, the blood had dripped down my face onto my shirt, and the scratch was obvious and painful.

I heard footsteps- undoubtedly yours- my door open- no doubt it's you- and then you were in my bathroom doorway, frowning.

"C'mon Kaoru, dad's pissed," You didn't care that I was hurt, didn't offer help.

"Sorry Hikaru, I just have to clean up this cut..." I took a paper towel, starting to dab at the wound, when you grabbed my arm and pulled me away.

"Let's go," I sighed, allowed myself to be dragged, allowed myself to be yelled at, then allowed myself to listen to you talk about Haruhi, Haruhi, Haruhi.

Ending it would be better, then the real one could be happy, and the fake could just... disappear.

I knew you wouldn't care, mother and father wouldn't care, the club wouldn't care. I had known no one would care since the day you all left me all alone- to eat alone, read alone, sit alone, think alone.

Thinking is the death of me- I will think myself to death.

I think, therefore I am.

You think, therefore I am not.

I think- therefore I die.

You think- therefore you move on.

A reflection should never step out of his mirror, even after it's shattered. He must remain in that mirror to keep the full spell intact, to keep the carriage going. If he moves, he is a doppelganger and thus worthless.

I am the taboo reflection, I have broken a piece of the spell, and I am a doppelganger- thus, I am worthless.

You don't even care when you see the scars.


End file.
